i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
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I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea