Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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