well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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