oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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