is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
