We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
A+ Viking dick
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
