I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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