I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
