wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
