I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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