fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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