I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
