I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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