her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
