So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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