you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
