The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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