i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
