how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
