oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
