I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
