I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
