I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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