He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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