There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
