Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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