Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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