I accidentally had phone sex last night
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
