When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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