My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
