I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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