Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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