the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
