Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
