i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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