"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
