Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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