so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
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The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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