1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
