puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
