walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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