Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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