i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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