im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
