I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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