does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
