if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
