Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
