You're so nebulous sometimes
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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