I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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