I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
