things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
