Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
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He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
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just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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