You're my little dorito
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
