I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
