I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
