Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
