I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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