So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
