I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize