I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
