I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
