She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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