her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
