i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
