Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
