if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
