If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Two words: nipple clamps
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